Legal Muse

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Archive for September 2008

My Review of the Axe Shower Tool (AST)

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Marketing – 10/10 – girls in Bikinis appear in my shower and use the AST to get me clean and fresh smelling.  I’m sold.

Reality – 0/10 – no girls in Bikinis in my shower utilizing the AST to get me clean and fresh smelling.  I’m downtrodden.

Luffa Side – 10/10 – not as soft as most luffas, which makes it almost painful to use.  I interpret this as an expression of my masculinity, and love it.

Scub Side – 0/10 – I haven’t really found a use for it, though according to the above mentioned commercial, Bikini clad women should be scrubbing the soles of my feet.

Usability – 10/10 – it has a cool rubber grip.  I dig things with cool rubber grips.

Soap Retaining Ability – 0/10 – I might be retarded, but it seems to lose the soap as soon as I start to use it.  This is frustrating, and makes me buy lots of Axe shower soap.  I smell a conspiracy.

I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

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Written by DMN

September 28, 2008 at 11:29 pm

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Juicy

with 2 comments

6:15 PM me: scalia is a god
Juicy: i love him
awesome scalia dissent
Juicy: oh dont worry i already read it
6:16 PM 🙂
i’m on it
me: maybe you should leave a freaking comment
Juicy: i dont know how
or what to say
me: your posting name could be “Juicy”
Juicy: that i’d prostitute myself for a clerkship with scalia??
me: so would I
File under prostitution rings.

Written by DMN

September 23, 2008 at 6:22 pm

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More Proof Justice Scalia is a God.

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This is worth the read – Scalia writes the dissenting opinion arguing that Casey Martin (handicap golfer) shouldn’t be allowed to participate in the PGA.  His dissent was basically based on his belief that the Supreme Court shouldn’t even be hearing the case (he maintains there were tons of procedural reasons it never should have gone this far, and says so in the opinion).  The best part, is when he says

“The answer, we learn, is yes.” – as if the other Justices are letting him in on a big secret.

Either way, I couldn’t help from laughing out load in the basement of the Pentagon when I read this case.  I LOVE SCALIA!!!!!!!

PGA Tour, Inc. v. Martin, 532 U.S. 661 (2001)

If one assumes, however, that the PGA TOUR has some legal obligation to play classic, Platonic golf – and if one assumes the correctness of all the other wrong turns the Court has made to get to this point – then we Justices must confront what is indeed an awesome responsibility. It has been rendered the solemn duty of the Supreme Court of the United States, laid upon it by Congress in pursuance of the Federal Government’s power “[t]o regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States,” U.S. Const., Art. I, §8, cl. 3, to decide What Is Golf. I am sure that the Framers of the Constitution, aware of the 1457 edict of King James II of Scotland prohibiting golf because it interfered with the practice of archery, fully expected that sooner or later the paths of golf and government, the law and the links, would once again cross, and that the judges of this August Court would some day have to wrestle with that age-old jurisprudential question, for which their years of study in the law have so well prepared them: Is someone riding around a golf course from shot to shot really a golfer? The answer, we learn, is yes. The Court ultimately concludes, and it will henceforth be the Law of the Land, that walking is not a “fundamental” aspect of golf.

Written by DMN

September 23, 2008 at 1:36 am

Silent Night

with 7 comments

I ran across this song recently.  It’s sung by Lisa Hannigan, who wrote the revised lyrics.  To the tune of Silent Night.

Silent Night

Silent night broken night
all is fallen when you take your flight
i found some hate for you just for show
you found some love for me thinking i’d go
don’t keep me from crying to sleep
sleep in heavenly peace
silent night moonlit night
nothing’s changed nothing is right
i should be stronger than weeping alone
you should be weaker than sending me home
i can’t stop you fighting to sleep
sleep in heavenly peace

Written by DMN

September 21, 2008 at 10:51 pm

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okay you big oil loving puppy kicking conservative

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Dissent:  hahah
dont’ forget to blue book it
me:  go die in a fire please
Dissent: didn’t you know all us liberals are going to hell eventually?
and I’m jewish
no chance of avoidance
me:  i thought jewish people didn’t believe in hell
Dissent: not really
but just ask Rush Limbough
or however you spell it
me: why, what’s he say?
Dissent: got me
me: ah, just name dropping eh?
Dissent: all those conservative types are the same
me: that my friend, is complete unadulterated fact
Dissent:  lol
i didn’t expect you to agree
Dissent: wait i was wrong
http://thirtythousandpeople.wordpress.com/2007/03/07/billy-graham-jews-muslims-buddhists-may-be-in-heaven/
me: similarly, I don’t know how you could possibly in interested in national security if your actually a liberal.
Dissent: I’m more a moderate
me: everyone knows you want the terrorists to win
Dissent: okay you big oil loving puppy kicking conservative

Awesomeness.  Puppy kicker!!!

Written by DMN

September 18, 2008 at 7:12 pm

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Romantic Sonnets

with 2 comments

From National Dev. Co. v. Triad Holding Corp.

“We are called upon only to determine whether the Olympic Tower apartment was Khashoggi’s ‘dwelling house or usual place of abode,’ terms that have eluded ‘any hard and fast definition.’  Indeed, those quaint terms are now archaic and survive only in religious hymns, romantic sonnets and, unhappily, in jurisdictional statutes.”

File this under – Court Humor.

Written by DMN

September 18, 2008 at 6:57 pm

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ExtenZe.com

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So… I’ve seen ED infomercials on TV.  I just saw a shorter version of this infomercial.

Introducing, on network television, ExtenZe.com

This is truly priceless.  Am I the only one who almost feels awkward for the guy presenter in the infomercial?

My favorite quote:  “I’d buy it for you.”  Best look from the token trophy girl they put in every couple they interview: 7:27.

Written by DMN

September 17, 2008 at 11:25 pm

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